Thursday, October 05, 2006

The week in bad publicists

October 5

Rule #1: If a writer agrees to meet with your client, stop pitching. If he (or she) agrees to visit your restaurant, stop pitching. If he says you can send him a product, stop pitching. You've made your sale, say "thank you" and get off of my phone.

Apart from running a gauntlet of people with bad phone skills, I've gotten a shocking array of irritating press releases, and I'm just halfway through Thursday.

One came from a ridiculous company that hawks sauerkraut. In the past they've lied that kiimchi can cure SARS and that cabbage is a treatment for avian flu. Now they're telling me that the Reuben sandwich is becoming — excuse me, "rapidly becoming" — "the most consumed" sandwich in America, which of course it is not.
"Reuben mania has swept the country," it says, which, again, it hasn't.
It declared the sandwich to be a new Oktoberfest favorite based on its findings that the Reuben is considered a special occasion food, and Oktoberfest is a special occasion.
Yeah, I'm still thinking bratwurst. I might even consider having it with sauerkraut, but I'll make sure it's not made by this particular company of liars.
By the way, Oktoberfest ended earlier this week (it starts in mid-September and lasts for 16 days).

Today I got a press release indicating that I was immoral and had bad taste for eating chocolate bars and truffles instead of the product the flack was representing — chocolate covered cacao nibs.
Apparently chocolate covered nibs are a "socially responsible alternative to the traditional, processed bar or truffle, appealing to consumers with a sophisticated palate, an interest in the arts and culture, a concern for the world and most of all, who are looking for a deeply satisfying chocolate hit."
So I'm being a socially irresponsible Philistine if I eat a piece of chocolate that's not from this company?
"The tasty morsels are designed to meet the lifestyle needs from the culturally hungry consumer to the avid chocolate lover..."
I guess so, although I'm not really sure given the bizarre grammatical structure of the above phrase.
Could someone please tell me what a "lifestyle need" is?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My favorite of the week:

Publicist: "You can find information about my client on Google."
Me: (silently): "I hope your client gives you the same advice when you need to start looking for a new job, lazy-ass."